Tuesday, December 12, 2006

We, the Women

I was watching this ad on TV the other day. It was Government of India sponsored ad; something about men staring at women also considered as sexual harassment. Also I saw a news article on Times Now about a blog where women get together to stop sexual harassment and did some dharna type things in Mumbai, mostly concentrating on staring. I missed the blog address. If anyone knows of it please let me know in the comments. Anyway after all that, I thought I shall tell my tale regarding this topic; an incident that happened when I was preparing for JEE.

For those who don’t know, IIT-JEE coaching is a big deal in AP and people stay in hostels and all and drop years together just to make into these portals. So the year I dropped to prepare for JEE, most of my classmates were hostellers. We were 70 odd people in our class and only 4 of us were girls, out of which most days I was the only one attending classes, especially after classes for clarifying doubts. This was the time when all hostellers were supposed to sit and study, and one of the employees there was keep a guard over them. This guy comes from the boys’ hostel.

One day when I was writing our weekly exam in my class, that guy happened to be the invigilator and he just kept staring at me. He made me feel uncomfortable and I packed the idea and continued my paper. All of a sudden I looked across my table and one of my competitors was busily writing and occurred to me that he doesn’t have this extra pressure on his mind and can of course write the paper better than me. I didn’t want to take this anymore so I got up and walked out, went my campus in-charge and told her there is this guy who’s making me uncomfortable and its troubling my paper. She immediately changed him and everything was peaceful.

So I thought, until he was constantly causing trouble whenever I stayed back for clarifying doubts. This time it angered me considering the fact that I had complained once. But I just gave him a hard stare and let it go for a couple of days. Soon enough he never took my warning and I got really angry. I walked up to my in-charge and blasted her by saying that when I complain against such a sensitive issue I expect her or anyone to take action. Even if it is just staring it is harassment. I was feeling harassed continuously all the while in my classroom. She said she’ll do something and calmed me down.

She told me I could sit in another room if I liked. Now this is crazy, why should I change where I was? Anyway I did that, sat in another room. But apparently, that guy didn’t get any warning. He would stand outside the room and keep staring. Now I understood this was getting out of hand and a mere change of place for me wouldn’t do, he needed something really hard. I went to my in-charge and told her she was useless, that she can’t even scold an employee under her. Luckily, that day, the chief of my city branches had come to our campus. I told her I am going to him and giving him a complete complaint.

She told me I was unnecessarily making a fool of myself and also a complaint on him would heavily affect his life and asked if I wanted to be the reason for making his life miserable. My reply was, firstly I am not making a fool of myself, I don’t care what people were thinking about me and it mattered to me that he didn’t trouble me anymore, and secondly, I had given him enough chances and if there is anyone who is making his life miserable, it is she who didn’t give him an appropriate warning. I went to that head of ours and told his calmly, without any sort of agitation, that there was this guy from the boys’ hostel who is causing me trouble and that I don’t want him in my premises. Sure enough, I never saw him again, but heard that he was made to stay back at the hostel and was asked never to come to our campus again.

I think each of us, victims, has to speak up against any kind of harassment, however mild it is, whether at workplace or at our colleges. Wherever it is, we must speak up, because no one else is going to help us. Considering my in-charge’s response, looks like even women are not going to help other women. We must try to change that too, by becoming more sensitive to other’s problems, more sensitive as women rather than just humans and also stop that trying-to-keep-out-of-trouble idea. Even the guys, they can help first by not harassing us and second, by speaking up against those who do.

To whoever reading this post, girls, stand up against what’s happening to you, no point keeping your mouth’s shut; guys, please respect women and support the cause. Respecting women is part of our tradition and culture.

18 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:45 pm

    Abbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa .....
    ( Which is the Telugu way of saying Come ON ! )

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  2. Case supported!

    And here's the site

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  3. davuluri11:32 am

    well said & well done, aish.

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  4. Anonymous4:09 am

    Fine.. Valid arguement but can u clarify something miss..
    How do u dress? I mean not now.. when ur in ur college? ALL HUMANS ARE SINNERS.. accept tht.. I m not supporting tht guy who harassed you.. But dont put the blunder entirely on the men.. I can give many examples where many of my frnds lives wr destroyed bcos of gals..
    but i sincerely APPRECIATE ur point tht women shud help the women first.. mana telugu lo annattu...
    " Adadaniki adade Shatruvu!"
    or do u ppl(women) want a MESSIAH????? to deliver u all from troubles.. like recent KV's movie Rakhi!!!!!

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  5. Anonymous4:12 am

    Same anonymous again..
    "Women are NOT inferior they are SPECIAL" ;-P
    this is the status given to u ppl...
    "evadaina kayalu unna chettu mide rallu vestadu kaani votti chettu mida kaadu kada!" emantav??
    ( englishulo... ppl will through stones on the tree which has fruits... to get the fruits... So tappadu... Human blood lo corruption entha natural ga untundo ilantivi kuda NATURAL)

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  6. Anonymous4:15 am

    ohh nuvvu pawan kalyan, raviteja movies chudavu kadu! ika Ju. NTR(rakhi) vi enduku chustav :-P!!!

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  7. Dear "Anonymous"
    You have simply not followed the gist of my post. i was not blaming anyone entirely. if you had read the post with a little broader perspective you wud realise that i was more taken aback by my incharge's reaction rather than that guy's offense.
    "How do i dress?"? hmmm.. For your kind information if i was not dressed decently or rather if i was too revealing i wud not have been offended by being stared at. the intentions wud have been totally different. Btw.. just so you know sir...with all due respect to your point of view... this very moment its being very difficult for me to control my temper and keep my blog away from foul... you have lost all right to comment abt my dress or anything else for that matter coz you just dont have the guts. i know who you are. i recognise you from simply your lack of guts. i dared enuf to face wat happened in my case and even write about it. YOu shud know that when you know you are right thats when you have all the guts in the world. Stop trying to push the blame on me or off anyone else. He was wrong. End of story. and for your friends sir... your life is your own... no matter what happens its your to live... you have to keep fighting... nobody else can destroy it except yourself...
    ALL HUMANS ARE SINNERS.. Human blood lo corruption entha natural ga untundo ilantivi kuda NATURAL.... do you know what you are saying by these statements...? you mean to say that since a mistake has been going on for ages, it has to be considered correct. We should act accordingly and not speak up against it even though its wrong just because it has been so. You keep asking me abt meaningless pawan kalyan and ravi teja movies... did you not see kamal hassan's "Bharateeyudu"...??
    And you have stated worse.. "evadaina kayalu unna chettu mide rallu vestadu kaani votti chettu mida kaadu kada!"... you mean to tell me that if i am being sexually harrased you want me to take pride in my feminity ?? So the more disgusting reactions i get the more of a perfect woman i am ???
    MESSAIH... and here goes again... another man to protect our kind from all other men... like i said you don get the gist of it... by this simple setence you have thrown us at your mercy... women at the mersy of men.. it is men who asault us... and men again who protect us... we are after all incapable of protection arent we...?? esp the that if we raise our voices and protect ourselves we are looked down upon... (by whom...? men ofcourse)
    "special" is just a word to camaflouge "inferior".. its jus something used to make inferior and the lesser mortals feel good abt themselves... you know... they called physically handicapped ppl as special ppl...(no offense meant to them.. but as far as i know... whenver the word spl is used for them.. we are showing them pity... and most of them do not like it... so we are not normal.. we are born abnormal... so you throw your pity on us with that single word "special"...

    when i first read the comments i knew in a sec who you were and decided i need not reply... coz my blog is not meant for ppl like you who dont think beyond convections... whether right or wrong... but thne... most ppl in this world are ppl like you... my friends anyway understand me and are broad enough... i need not answer them or explain it to them... it is to ppl like you that i shud provide answers... to ppl like you that i must explain... ppl like you who must change... ppl like you who can make a difference... simply because ppl like you are in majority...
    hope atleast now you understand my post... not that i care for your reply.. neither shall i bother to explain again...if you still cant understand... God help you...

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  8. Anonymous4:05 am

    Uhhh..
    ok miss.. Just like me u also didnt understand the central idea of my comment.. So u dont want anyone to criticize ur view point right??? Just as u said people like me are the majority....We r living in a DEMOCRATIC society(majority rule).. then how can ppl like u change us?? i guess u didnt read my line " adadaniki adade shatruvu"... thts wht ur central idea is.. ur blaming ur college official for not taking any action..
    BHARATIYUDU?????? hahahahahahaha
    How practical is it??!!
    So ur waiting for someone to KILL all the corrupted officials? or to threaten them??? Or will u be the one?
    Remember this... when u want to change the world which has fools like us.. u shud understand a fool first... its not so easy... if u take the pride in being called an iitian, i m sorry to say tht ur living in ur own world.. REAL WORLD is not so simple.. And dont think i m afraid of it...
    U call me a person who is very conservative and not ready to change the world?? Hellooooooo u dont know abt me and my work.. Have u ever been to a Cabinet minister? Atleast do u know the name of ur MLA? have u ever been to a govt hospital?? did u meet the suffering ppl of tsunami?? anyway i m not here to tel abt my work..
    U told... to call "special" is a handicap..!!! Uhh... i worry how wud it be if ur born in the middle-east... women are different from men.. each of them imp in their own way..
    1) physically men are stronger than women..
    (thts why u hav separate catagory for women in all sports..)
    2) we can live anywhere sleep anywhr.. walk on the road half naked... CAN U DO THT????
    (i mean to say u hav some restrictions given by the nature)
    3) women have to bear the children... (plz dont say God is also biased...)
    these things wont change overnight.. And remember to change fools like us.. u have to think like a fool... otherwise ur voice will not be heard by any..
    and dont simplify all the things.. REAL things are COMPLEX.. can u imagine u competing an election????? its easy to criticize and comment on issues.. CAN U SUGGEST ME A PLAUSIBLE SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEMS FACED BY WOMEN???
    Dont say awakening of women and all... it ll sound gud on the paper... PRACTICALLY WHT UR GOING TO DO?? WHT U HAVE DONE???

    finally if u want only ur friends to read ur topics.. gud.. u dont want any criticism.. U live in ur own world.. urs will be another story like "lok paritran".... an IVORY TOWER political party..
    ITS EASY TO GIVE SOLUTION TO AN INCIDENT but when it comes to changing the society ITS NOT SO EASY... Come out of ur world.. Come into the practical world......

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  9. Anonymous10:12 am

    What about women who stare at men??!!

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  10. Okai.. i stumbled upon your blog.. and must congratulate for the choice of the content..

    i am totally for woman's equality. and support ur argument..

    guess its high time the society grows and becomes more sensitive and understanding...

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  11. siva charan1:09 pm

    really, a gud 1

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  12. smarajit croVSTER4:53 am

    hmmm...some heated discussions i see.well i'll stay outta that,coz being a vizagite i know quite a lot about the kinda guys there.to be honest,even though i am a guy,i had to face some really nasty stares day in and day out,in junior colleges and rtc buses,from guys and gals both.so a good one there madam,
    sorry about reading ur blog so late,
    cheers,

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  13. @ hemanth
    thank you...

    @ vikas
    thank you for your compliment and more importantly your support...

    @ sivacharan
    thanks...

    @ smarajit
    yup.. i kno wat u mean... n hey you read it.. thats all that matters... thanks...

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  14. You come out quite strong... from what I figure out from ya post as well as ya reactions in the comments section!!! Women need to speak out and I guess the new generation isn't ready to take things lying down.
    Impressed!!!

    P.S: Am quite late I know, but wanted to say something. Jus here as a result of some random blog browsing.

    And visit here for my take on the BlankNoise Project
    http://masalatalk.blogspot.com/2006/03/blank-noise-project-time-to-think.html

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  15. You seem to demand gender equality and double standards in equal measure by way of your post! If I like the idea of someone(guy or girl, again no gender bias,see :P) staring at me (wishful thinking, yes), why would a girl deem the reverse scenario to be "abusive" in nature??????

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  16. yeah well.. generally ppl like it if its someone spl n not jus gen... as in... i know u are ready to get laid by jus anyone ( i jus picked it up from your conversation with XYZ ) ... but most ppl are unlike you... females that is... :P

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  18. hmm..a heated discussion really.... man, i rarely get to c vizag bloggers..m a Y-Zagite basically..

    newaz..shudve talked with the asshole directly rey.. no use complaining and all.. shudve askd him wat his problem was.. if he still doesnt heed then go to the next level...

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