You knew you were never good at it.
Put a confident face and pulled it off. Made it through.
Then everytime you need to showcase it, you just pray it's decent enough. People never realised it. They looked at you like you were really good. You never tell them how nervous you were. And slowly as days pass by, you build up confidence, not in your work. No, never in your work, you are always nervous about your work. Your work deserves every ounce of your nervousness; it matters to you that it has to perfect. You build up confidence in the people around you. Even the best of the lot say you are good enough.
You may never be good at it. But you were good enough. The reason you were good enough was that you were passionate about it. Not it. Only the work. the work took up your time; every single detail, perfect.
And then one day, you realise you aren't good enough. You aren't considered good enough. Your work is considered good, but YOU aren't. Irony! Especially by the one who knows the tricks of the trade.
YOU are just not good enough.
Life is mean. You understand it that you are not good enough. You haven't yet swallowed the fact, let alone digest it. And there waits yet another assignment for you to do at what you supposedly were considered good at.
You delete your working software. You try to forget your knowledge. You want to forget you ever even knew the work. You try to delete all evidence.
But life forces you to move on.
You believe you can.
You install the software again.
You want to open it and finish your work.
You really want to.
You just can't get yourself to open it.
The mouse moves, hovers over the icon. But you just can't click it. Your fingers tremble. Your heart beats faster. And you can't click it.
You know you can never be good at it.
But now you know you aren't even considered to be.
You were passionate about it.
Now it becomes your deepest fear.
Click it! Click it!
I dunno if I can, ever again!