Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Craze for the Crane

When I was searching for some pics I ran into something and realised that I never blogged about a particular obsession I had and seems that I still do; even though it's not a new craze anymore.

This was my craze

I knew a friend who could make it. She said she would teach me but she backed out. But I really loved it. So I opened up the paper crane and I learnt it myself. Then it became a craze. I would make them, many of them. I would make more and more; they were never enough.

Then it was the size. I wanted to make it smaller and smaller. So small that it was just the size of my thumb..
Hey I found this pic. This guy must be a stud.

Oh yes ! Kept it to the last. The pic that got me thinking why I never blogged about it.

wonderful pics I say...
And I love searching for images....

my new craze : butterfly... chall blog about it soon enough

PS: the last two pics courtesy : timeo

You think you are GOOD ENOUGH eh ?

You knew you were never good at it.
Put a confident face and pulled it off. Made it through.
Then everytime you need to showcase it, you just pray it's decent enough. People never realised it. They looked at you like you were really good. You never tell them how nervous you were. And slowly as days pass by, you build up confidence, not in your work. No, never in your work, you are always nervous about your work. Your work deserves every ounce of your nervousness; it matters to you that it has to perfect. You build up confidence in the people around you. Even the best of the lot say you are good enough.

You may never be good at it. But you were good enough. The reason you were good enough was that you were passionate about it. Not it. Only the work. the work took up your time; every single detail, perfect.

And then one day, you realise you aren't good enough. You aren't considered good enough. Your work is considered good, but YOU aren't. Irony! Especially by the one who knows the tricks of the trade.

YOU are just not good enough.

Life is mean. You understand it that you are not good enough. You haven't yet swallowed the fact, let alone digest it. And there waits yet another assignment for you to do at what you supposedly were considered good at.

You delete your working software. You try to forget your knowledge. You want to forget you ever even knew the work. You try to delete all evidence.
But life forces you to move on.
You believe you can.
You install the software again.
You want to open it and finish your work.
You really want to.
You just can't get yourself to open it.
The mouse moves, hovers over the icon. But you just can't click it. Your fingers tremble. Your heart beats faster. And you can't click it.

You know you can never be good at it.
But now you know you aren't even considered to be.

You were passionate about it.
Now it becomes your deepest fear.

Click it! Click it!

I dunno if I can, ever again!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

LM Solo

As I write this.. I dunno the results... I havent heard them all.. But felt like blogging about it... May be instead of blogging here, I should be there listening to them...

People come up and sing and you listen and feel at home... and then there are certain people who sing... who make ur stay worthwhile.. who make you feel good for having the sense of hearing.. who make you feel proud to be able to appreciate music... appreciate vocalist skills... and all in all to appreciate the fun of sitting in the audience :)

Yes.. I enoyed whatever little I heard in LM Solo this lit soc.. Makes me feel I am surrounded by talented people..

(even though it also gives me an inferiority complex... I used to think I cud sing... I still think I can, except its not worth listening to...)

Sunday, October 28, 2007

It raINed bRokEN GlASs

the sound of glass crashing... amazing... its the perfect sound for breaking... i felt like breaking glasses on and on... singing:

sitting here in a boring room
just another rainy sunday afternoon
i felt like i wanna break it all
break every damned glass piece in the hall
break them all
just break them all

I was frustrated because the damned thing wouldn't open up. I kept trying every few seconds, hoping that this time it would. Fearing my deepest fears, that I would be the cause of a funeral.

It could be. I could be.

I didn't know what to do. I put on full blast music, a song remixed by a DJ friend of mine - a mix of gasolina and we will rock you
I danced like I had gone mad.
Then went to the hostel gym for the drams practised.
No one arrived.
I couldn't calm down.
So I worked out.
I was dripping of sweat, when it was pouring dark and cold outside.

Yes I calmed down went back to my room and found out.
I was.

I vented out every emotion. Nothing left now. Calm and composed, I went back to my work.

Still singing:

sitting here in a boring room
just another rainy sunday afternoon
i felt like i wanna break it all
break every damned glass piece in the hall
break them all
just break them all

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The travelling flicker of thought

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

[Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion]

Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence.

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence.

[Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.]

[If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.]

This song in my ears.
The trees and the scenery next to me moving backwards.
Sitting solemnly against the window, gives a nice feeling.
I haven't written a story for over a year now. I don't write many. But love each one of them.
I felt like writing one then.
And the words filled in and the ink poured out.
It's beautiful.

Smiling in the Sky

Came back from class. Its sunny today. Been raining for a few days now. I was glad, missed the sun. One my way to my room, stopped by and picked up my dry clothes and walk in.
A window popped up on my screen.
"It's raining"
I look outside. The view from my window capitavated me. It's the sunshine through the rain. Like crystals in the air. Kept staring out.
Another window buzzed.
"I want my rainbow. Where's my rainbow"
I smiled. Really ? Why is there no rainbow today ? It was so bright and sunny. The colours would fill up the sky. But they didn't.
Ah! I felt like a rainbow there. I should launch myself into the sky :)

Friday, October 12, 2007

The Shaastra Hangover

Shaastra began..
It was the best I've ever known. Or is it just because I was involved enough to know it ?

The SOE's worked... we lost count of the hits on the site.. the site itself is down... the no of people pouring in.. at hostels n at shaatra.. all outta track...
It bigger than we thought. A brilliant success. I think we can call it that.

And about me.
I've worked with a team which is full of fun n laughter. 8 people out of which I barely knew 2 and the rest were strangers. And at the end of it, its just 9 people laughing our heads off and trying to get some work done in between. We had faced an auditor who totally blew expectations out of proportion (even though I m lucky enough not to get audited). We managed through it and hence we get to keep the certification. YIPEE! And through all the fun work did get done.

There is cutie for you [ jussu missing ]

And Shaastra is over.
So are those late work n fun nights at dean's office, those sleepy days in ICSR audi, those menlo park moments, those grub stall chatters and hunting for coupons, those walks around campus and arbit hours at minar, a coupla vague meetings in ccd, those high times when everyone is just sleepy but doesnt want to leave, those moments when you just hang around for the heck of it coz you know its a lonely room back in the hostel.
Now it's all over. I miss it but quizzes are here. It's a busy life to miss anything. You were there, now you are here and life goes on. But whenever I walk past ICSR and I see the (supposedly) 10ft Shaastra Logo, memories rush in.

To Shaastra 2007, the best time in a long time.